You Would Have Loved This
by jokermobile
Summary: How exactly does one spend Christmas Eve in a mental treatment facility? Sequal to "Shine." Kirk/Chekov.


Loosely inspired by the song "You Would Have Loved This" by Tarja Turunen.

Chekov looked out the window of the rec room. It was snowing again. The sky on this planet was normally the same color as the Gulf of Mexico, but on cloudy days, it was the blue-grey color of slate. Snow here was not like snow back on Earth. The snow here looked and felt like frozen Styrofoam, but it was snow nonetheless, and it was beautiful.

Jim would have loved this. He'd always said that the one thing he missed most while on a starship was _seasons_. There was only one season on a starship.

Months had passed since Pavel had last seen Jim. His nineteenth birthday had come and passed with no more notice than a cupcake from the orderlies. He'd been placed on meds and learned new coping methods, like jogging and keeping a journal. He'd only had panic attacks twice since being admitted—much better, but he still knew he wasn't ready to return to his post. Now, it was what would be Christmas Eve, but due to the lack of talk of celebration, Pavel assumed nothing special would happen. Still, he'd managed to convince the orderlies to let him light a candle under their close supervision.

The planet was beautiful. Chekov wished he could see more of it than he was allowed. From what he had seen, the planet had two moons—one light blue one, and the other, smaller and off-white.

"Pavel?" one of the orderlies addressed him gently. "You have a video card."

_That's Ensign Pavel Chekov of the Enterprise to you_, he thought, but then, he remembered all the patients here had once held similar positions. Rank didn't matter to the orderlies. Past life didn't matter to the orderlies. Here, everyone was just another patient. The idea of going back to someplace he mattered was part of what kept him going. Even more than that, he missed the people. He missed swapping bad jokes with Sulu, and listening to McCoy poke fun at the ever-stoic Spock, Scotty waxing enthusiastic about the Enterprise. And Jim . . . Jim, with his broad shoulders and strong arms, Jim, with his unwavering confidence and smartass attitude, Jim, who took up all the room in bed and lost his temper too quickly, but always made up for it. Jim, whose last words to Pavel had been "I love you, Pasha. Don't ever forget it." And Pavel hadn't forgotten it. Every time things got rough, he reminded himself that there was someone who loved him, waiting for him.

Pavel took his candle and followed the orderly to the video room to view his card. The first thing he saw on the screen was Jim.

"_Uh, hi, Pavel. It's me, Jim. We're all here, and—"_

_The camera did a 180 to show Sulu's smiling face. He waved at the camera, then turned it back to Jim._

"_Yes, as you can see, Sulu's holding the recorder. So, we're all here and wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. And I don't know what else to say."_

"_Tell him to hurry up and get better so he can come home!" Uhura said from somewhere off-camera._

"_Yes. What she said. And I'd like to record a private message for him, if you guys don't mind."_

"_No problem," Sulu said. "Where do you want me to prop it up?"_

"_There's a—"_

_There was a brief cut, then Jim appeared back on the screen. "Alright, it's just me now. Babe, I knew it'd be hard here without you, but I didn't realize just how much I'd miss you. I can't wait till you come back. Till I can see you and touch you and make love to you again."_

Pavel felt his face flush. It embarrassed him to have to watch this with other people in the room, but moments like this were so rare and out of character for Jim that he couldn't help but enjoy it.

"_And I'd better end this message now before my balls fall off," Jim said with an uncomfortable laugh. _

Pavel laughed. This was the Kirk he knew and loved.

"_So, anyway, we miss you and hope you get better soon. Merry Christmas, Pavel. Kirk out."_

_The screen went blank._

Pavel smiled. "Merry Christmas to you, too, Jim." He blew out his candle and returned to his room.


End file.
